


5 Good Ideas Xander Didn’t Know About, And 1 He Did

by jujukittychick



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Clueless Xander, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash, plotting Scoobies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1685396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jujukittychick/pseuds/jujukittychick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were five really good ideas that Xander knew nothing about. There was one he did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Just an idea that popped in my head, ‘cause, really, who doesn’t want to ogle Xander in various states of undress? Umm, post tv-series, Spike’s alive and went to England with the Sunnydale crew. Each idea will be a separate chapter
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the computer I'm typing this on and am making no money. Angel and Buffy:TVS all belong to their respective creators and owners who *are* making money off them. I'm just doing this for my own fun and entertainment; in general, if you recognize something, I don't own it.

“This was a good idea.”  
  
“Mmmhmmm.”  
  
“This was a  _really_  good idea.”  
  
“Mmmhmmm.”  
  
“Whose idea  _was_  this?”  
  
“Giles’ actually. Said the doors were catching on things and needed to be refinished or something. I kind of stopped paying attention once Xander’s shirt came off. We really should burn all those baggy shirts of his. When did he start looking like  _that_?”  
  
“Hey, what are we doing? Ooooh… wow, Xander looks…”  
  
“Mmmhmm. Ice cream?”  
  
“You bet.”  
  
“Oy, what are you lot doing? Shouldn’ ya be trainin’ or something? What are ya gawpin’ at anyways? Oh…. Ohhhh.”  
  
“Mmmhmm. Ice cream?”  
  
“Don’ mind if I do.”  
  


.oOo.

  
  
Xander finally finished sanding and sealing the last door, a heartfelt moan slipping from him as he stood and stretched his back, feeling the muscles bunch and slide as he twisted and bent, trying to get the kinks out. The sun, filtered as it was with the heavy cloud cover in their new home in England, was still hot enough to warm his skin and cause him to work up a decent sweat, leaving his still California-bronzed skin glistening with his exertions. Walking to the side of the courtyard where the hose was, he decided to go ahead and rinse himself off, coated in sweat and sawdust as he was, sighing once more as the cool water poured over his skin, leaving him feeling refreshed even if the water did weigh down his jeans causing them sit even lower on his hips so the top of his hipbones began to show.  
  
Drying his face off with his long-abandoned shirt, carefully so as not to tug his eye patch, he turned back towards the door leading off of the kitchen, frowning as he caught a lot of movement in one of the large picture windows overlooking the courtyard. Curiosity piqued, he entered the door carefully, a confused look pulling his features as he saw Willow, Buffy, Dawn, and Spike eating ice cream, overly casually, out of the same carton over the beat up kitchen island. With four sets of eyes suddenly targeting him, he swallowed nervously and glanced down at himself, wet and kind of muddy looking from where the saw dust had gathered in spots. “Ummm, yeah… I don’t think I want to know. I’m just… gonna go get cleaned up.”  
  
Casting strange looks at the abnormally silent bunch, Xander made his way out of the kitchen and towards the stairs leading to the floor his room was on, making a note to talk to Giles about possible possessions or maybe contaminated ice cream.  
  


.oOo.

  
  
The kitchen remained quiet until water could be heard running through the ancient pipes.  
  
“Oh my god… When’d he get a six pack? And the water… That… that was a good idea.”  
  
Buffy looked at her sister, not quite sure she really liked the idea of Dawn lusting after Xander, but she couldn’t fault her for admiring the drool-worthy figure he made either. Shrugging, she fell back on the only response she felt comfortable with. “Mmmhmm. Who wants more ice cream?”  
  
Spike was staring thoughtfully in the general direction of the whelp’s room. Seemed his nummy treat was starting to live up to the name. Hearing the three girls fussing behind him, he turned to look, noticing the carton was almost empty. “Oy, don’ hog it all.” Snagging the carton out from between them, he set off for his basement room, leaving the girls to dig through the freezer for another carton. Looked like he had some things to think about.


	2. Second Idea

“So whose idea was this?”

“Oh, this was my idea all the way. Popsicle?”

“Ohh, cherry? Yes! Thank you. So how did you…mmmm…did you manage to talk Giles into this?”

“Well he was saying how the girls could use more variety in their physical fitness routines and I just happened to remember that Xander joined the swim team that one time he went undercover for us. It’s too bad you never got to see him in the Speedo for real.”

“Oh, hey, what are we talking about? Oh…wow, I thought he said he’d never wear a Speedo again?”

“Yeah I know. Popsicle? Mmmm…so yeah, I told him it was all Giles’ idea that he teach the girls swimming since he was on swim team back in school, and some of these girls have never even been swimming before, and they all love him to death anyway, and voila…we have Xander in a Speedo once more.”

“Mmm, orange…. A really well built Xander in a Speedo, not that, you know, I notice that kind of thing anymore, but he looks really good in that…all muscle-y and fit and tan and the water trickling down and how come I don‘t see tan lines? And….I think I’m gonna go find Kennedy, I’ll see you guys later.”

“I don’t think she’s as immune to men as she likes people to believe.”

“I think you’re right. Then again, could just be Xander.”

.oOo.

 

Spike passed a very flushed looking Willow on the way to what had become the Rec Building and wondered what the silly bints were up to this time. Following the sound of giggling, he found Dawn and Buffy sitting at the top of a set of bleachers looking down at the pool below, a small cooler between them on the bench. “Oy, what are you lot up to now?”

Buffy gestured down toward the pool with her now empty popsicle stick, a smirk twisting her lips as she watched the vampire’s eyes go wide at the sight. Holding the cooler out to him, she asked sweetly, “Popsicle?”

Spike absently nodded, pulling one at random out of the cooler and unwrapping it before popping it in his mouth, his gaze glued firmly on the broad, bare chest of one Xander Harris, water dripping from sculpted pecs to trail down his chiseled abs as he instructed a couple of the girls on some rule or another. He about choked when the boy pulled himself effortlessly out of the waist deep water and stood at the edge of the pool as he called out encouragement to the girls now starting to swim laps across the length of the pool, legs braced slightly apart, hands resting on his hips, water sluicing down his body and causing the scrap of a swimsuit to cling lovingly to the perfectly mouth-watering bulge he could see all the way from his seat high in the bleachers. “Bloody ‘ell!”

Buffy grinned and bounced slightly, nudging the leather clad arm holding the now-forgotten Popsicle. “I have good ideas.”

“Yeah…yeah ya do at that, pet.”

.oOo.

 

Xander caught the sound of girly giggles and British cursing and looked around, finally spotting Dawn, Buffy, and Spike sitting at the top of the bleachers staring at him intently…well, before they realized he was actually watching them, then they started looking at each other and at the Potentials in the pool and pointedly not at him. Feeling extremely self-conscious all of a sudden, he crossed his arms over his chest and tried not to notice the way Spike was very enthusiastically sucking on what appeared to be a bright green popsicle. At least he assumed it was a popsicle because it surely couldn’t be anything else, not that he’d think anything like that about Spike of all people, or how those crystal blue eyes would darken as that smart mouth would open wide around… and wow it was getting hot in the Rec Room and maybe it was time to hit the showers! Yes, nice cold showers. And afterwards jeans, nice baggy jeans and t-shirts with lots of room to hide in. Great plan. He couldn’t believe he let Giles talk him into this, it was such a bad idea: him in a Speedo again, really?!

Heading into the locker room, he caught the sound of giggling and cursing again and made a note to ask Giles about that whole possession thing he’d asked him about before. Those three were really starting to worry him.


	3. Third Idea

“Wow, Giles has good ideas.”  
  
“Yeah, he really does.”  
  
“But who drove the car through the mud?”  
  
“That was all me.”  
  
“Buffy! You know you’re not supposed to be driving…” Then softer, “You’re kinda unmixy together.”  
  
“Hey!  _My_  good idea, just look.”  
  
“Oh, I  _am_!”  
  
“Oi, what are you lot doing to the poor whelp now?”  
  
“Spike! Why do you automatically assume we’re doing something to Xander?”  
  
“Nibblet, I love you like me own, don’t I, but every time I find you, Red, and Buffy talking ‘bout ‘good ideas,’ Buffy’s come up with some scheme and Xander’s…well, actually they  _have_  been good ideas at that.”  
  
“Ha!” Muttering, “Blame me for stuff.” Then defensively, “Besides, this was Giles’ idea… I just helped some.”  
  
Spike just cocked an eyebrow in doubt of the truth of that particular statement and finally looked out the window for himself. And promptly sucked in an unneeded breath. “Bloody ‘ell!”  
  
Xander was outside trying to scrub dried on mud off one of the Council cars wearing only a pair of cut-off jeans, a large gash under one of the back pockets giving glimpses of the pair of crazily patterned boxers he wore underneath every time he stretched and bent. His skin looked slick with a combination of what appeared to be sudsy water and sweat, either from the wind blowing the water back on him or possibly from Andrew attempting to help at some point. Either way, the sunlight glistened off the water, highlighting all the muscular contours of his back and arms and making him a truly delicious looking sight. “Shoulda grabbed some popcorn.”  
  
“Mmmhmmm.”  
  


.oOo.

  
  
As much as Xander wanted to strangle whoever had gotten the car so dirty, he did enjoy the feeling of his muscles stretching and bunching as he scrubbed, testament to hard physical labor; one reason he actually enjoyed helping with the training and building things around the complex. He didn’t think he could go back to the fast food business and not go crazy now.  
  
Shrugging his shoulders all of a sudden, feeling like someone was standing on his blindside, he turned around slowly, gaze sweeping the area until it landed on one of the large picture windows overlooking the courtyard and the four people standing there looking out. Giving his friends a suspicious look as they suddenly seemed to notice him looking and started talking to each other, he turned his back to them and went back to washing the car, stopping occasionally to look back at them, catching them staring again and again.  
  
Muttering as he finished up finally and started gathering up all the equipment, he glanced back at the group in the window, “What the hell? It’s like pod-people or something. I  _really_  need to talk to Giles about them. But what if he’s in on it too? It was his idea to send me out here. What if I’m the only normal person left, I mean it’s not like anyone would notice if  _Andrew_  was taken over and half of the baby-Slayers don’t even speak English.”  
  
“Oh, Xander, there you are. Ah, you are finished with the cars, good. Willow and Buffy are going into town to get groceries; you should let them know if you need anything besides the normal.”  
  
Giving Giles a suspicious look, he backed away slowly, nodding. “Yeah, sure, G-man…whatever you say. Hey, you’re not having any odd cravings are you? You know, like for brains or random body parts? Nevermind, I’m just going to go now, ‘kay, bye!”  
  
Watching Xander damn near run off, Giles shook his head in confusion. “What the devil’s gotten into him?”


	4. Fourth Idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, life happened as usual *shrug*. However, this chapter is MUCH - did I mention MUCH? - longer than the others with some long awaited action between the boys…sorta lol. Thanks for all the lovely reviews; I’m so glad you guys have enjoyed my little idea and I wish I could fit in all the other wonderful ideas y’all have given me.

“Oh…my…Goddess!” The redhead carrying an overfull bowl of candy came to a sudden stop next to one of her best friends.  
  
“Yeah…” A dreamy sigh issued from the not-so-subtly staring blonde.  
  
“How did you manage that?”  
  
“What? Buffy? Oh, no, that was all  _my_  idea, thank you very much. It took much tears and bribery to get him into those pants, and even then I had to send Spike to convince him that they were actually authentic.” Cordelia rolled her eyes, her tone of voice conveying exactly what she thought of the object of their attention doubting her in any way. The brunette crossed her hands, tapping her manicured nails against her arm thoughtfully. “He did clean up surprisingly well though, didn’t he? Why didn’t he look like this when we were dating?”  
  
“Wait a minute! You said  _Spike_  helped convince him?” Buffy’s gaze narrowed and she darted a look at a wide-eyed Willow. “Why that conniving little… Should have known he was up to something the way he was grinning earlier.”  
  
“What  _are_  you on about now, Slayer?”  
  
Buffy rounded on the bleach blonde vampire, pointing an accusing finger at him, freezing for a moment in surprise as she took in his outfit before shaking her head and continuing. “You! You were being all sneaky and trying to get into Xander’s pants weren’t you?”  
  
Spike blinked his bright blue eyes innocently. “Me? Never… ‘sides, have you looked at those pants? No way I can get into those with him -  _he_  barely fits in them.” A mumbled, “Trust me.” had Buffy giving him the evil eye again. Ignoring the blonde and looking over at Cordy, he grinned. “Lovely idea you had there, pet.”  
  
“You expected anything less?”  
  
The group turned their full attention back to the mesmerizing sight before them. Xander stood off to the side of the banquet room, his long muscular legs encased lovingly by tight tan knit pants, his tanned chest showing through the deep V of the blousy white poet’s shirt he wore, a pair of brown leather knee high boots and a saber strapped to his hip helped to round out the look. Even his normally messy hair had been styled to look more like he had just finished a vigorous round of sex rather than just rolling out of bed. All in all, he looked absolutely delicious to everyone in the room who even slightly lent that way. The only thing that ruined the look was his self-conscious crossing and uncrossing of his arms every few minutes.  
  


.oOo.

  
  
Xander crossed his arms for the umpteenth time, feeling decidedly uncomfortable in the costume Cordy and Spike had managed to talk him into; it was worse than the  _Speedo_. He kept feeling like everyone was staring at him… or more specifically his package that was pretty much put on display by the skin tight pants he was wearing. By no means was he embarrassed by his size, the few lovers he’d had over the years had certainly never complained, a fond smile tilted his lips at a quick thought of Anya, but having a bunch of hormonal teenage girls ogling him and giggling all night hit so far over his comfort level it wasn’t even funny.  
  
It didn’t help that after he’d first wiggled into the tight pants wearing his boxers, Cordy had pretty much turned him around and shoved him back in the bathroom, his Speedo flying in after him as she explained to him about bunching and chafing and visible panty (or in his case, boxers) lines. He had to admit, they were a lot easier to get on without having to fight all the extra fabric. But even  _then_  she still rolled her eyes and told him to stay put as she disappeared out of the room… only to return in a couple minutes with the bleached menace himself.  
  
Spike had taken one look at him, laughed and shooed Cordy out of the room. What happened after that had Xander fidgeting and blushing just at the memory.  
  
 _Spike had walked around him slowly, almost predatorily, before nodding and walking behind him once more. Xander’s breath caught as he felt the lithe body press up against his back, a puff of cool breath brushing over the nape of his neck and sending chills through his body. Spike’s graceful hands had smoothed down his bare arms, one guiding one arm out to his side, the other moving down to rest on top of his hand before twining their fingers together._  
  
Spike’s voice was almost whisper soft as he spoke against his ear, his free hand running down his bare side to rest at his hip. “The thing with these trousers, pet, is arranging yourself properly inside ‘em. No need to come across as vulgar, right? ‘Specially with the kiddies waiting downstairs.”  
  
That was all the warning Xander got before Spike slid their twined fingers inside the front of his pants and further inside his Speedos. Xander knew he blushed scarlet, could feel his heart racing a million miles an hour and knew that the vamp pressed tightly against him was all too aware of it. Glancing up, he noticed that Spike had managed to turn them to face the full length mirror and the sight before him, himself flushed and breathing heavily with his hand down his pants and his hair ruffled, paired with what he actually felt, the tightly muscled body of the dangerous male pressed against him with his arms wrapped around him and his fingers twined with his own as they arranged his most private parts, had a low moan slipping from him before he could bite it back. An answering stirring of said parts had him biting his bottom lip and looking anywhere except at his reflection, just waiting for Spike’s mocking words to follow.  
  
To his surprise, none came, simply a gentle squeeze to his cock before Spike, reluctantly it seemed, withdrew their hands from his pants. He could feel Spike’s breath hitting the back of his neck almost as rapidly as his own was coming, felt the way the other male unconsciously rocked his hips forward against his ass for just a moment and felt a thrill go through him that he had managed to do that to the outspoken vamp.  
  
Xander didn’t know how long they stayed like that, their hands still clasped, Spike’s other hand resting low on his hip, head resting on his shoulder, but eventually he realized his breathing and heart rate had calmed and dared glance back into the mirror. He had to admit, that little bit of adjusting did make a big difference and he didn’t look quite so  _vulgar_  as Spike had said.  
  
A gentle squeeze of Spike’s hands where they touched and the blonde slowly stepped away. “You look a right treat, pet. The chit has a good eye for what looks good on ya, you oughta let her buy clothes for ya more often.”  
  
Xander started to speak, and had to clear his throat as he turned to look at the man he’d known for so many years now and suddenly saw in a new light. “I um… yeah, Cordy’s always been good at shopping. Spike… about this…” He waved a hand absently, taking in the whole loaded atmosphere in the room.  
  
Spike just shook his head and stepped forward holding the shirt Xander was to wear and helped pull it over his hair that Cordy had styled earlier and got it arranged properly before stepping close to him once more, arms reaching around him as he wrapped the belt the saber was attached to around his hips.  
  
The two paused, a mere couple of inches separating them, and Xander felt his breath catch as he stared into the remarkable blue eyes of the smaller man. “Spike…”  
  
Spike shook his head once more and stepped back, out of his reach. “A right treat you are. I woulda been happy to have you steal me away Captain Harris.”  
  
So here Xander stood, completely confused about his feelings and the situation from earlier, embarrassed from all the attention he was getting, and wishing he hadn’t let the girls talk him into joining in the Halloween party.  
  
Sighing, he let his gaze sweep over the room, taking in the girls in all their various costumes, and laughing as he noticed there wasn’t a single princess in the bunch and that every costume came equipped with some kind of weapon – they’d decided to sit down with all the baby Slayers to explain the potential hazards of Halloween to them at the beginning of the month…just in case.  
  
He saw his girls standing clustered together, Buffy stealing candy out of the bowl Willow was holding, as they talked and stole glances in his direction. Wondering what the group was up to and deciding he really  _didn’t_  want to know, and definitely  _not_  wondering where Spike had run off to, he decided it was a good time to take a walk outside and get some fresh air.  
  
Following one of the well lit paths out from the building, not daring to venture too far into the shadows with him still adjusting to his lopsided vision, Xander let his mind wander as he listened to the music and laughter growing fainter the further he went, the surprisingly clear sky allowing the nearly full moon and twinkling stars to shine down on him. Just as he reached the point where the path circled back to the main building or continued on to a little gazebo near the pond, a figure stepped out of the darkness and his hand dropped instantly to the hilt of the saber before he could register who it was.  
  
“Oh dear, a pirate, whatever shall I do?”  
  
Xander couldn’t even be embarrassed as his voice broke in surprise as he managed to squeak out, “Spike?!”  
  
“William, if you please. And if it isn’t the dread Captain Harris… have you come to take prisoners?”  
  
Xander could only stare, gaping, in shock as the figure that used to be Spike moved closer. Gone was the stiffly gelled platinum blonde hair and its place was honey blonde curls blowing softly in the breeze. The harsh accent, the aggressive clothing, all gone, and in its place was a proper English gentleman, very Giles-y, assuming you were talking about over a century ago anyway. The shock gave way slowly to something soft and buzzing inside him and he stepped forward, a hand reaching out hesitantly, afraid to touch the figure in front of him in case it might disappear. “Sp…William… you look…Why? If something should happen, you’d be…” Xander couldn’t even finish the sentence, the idea of something happening to the man in front of him making his heart clench.  
  
“I can’t say as I’m all too worried,  _if_ something should happen, I’d have a fierce pirate jealously protecting me… and I know  _he_  wouldn’t be too late.” A pained look crossed the blonde’s face as he looked up at the young man before him, a pale hand reaching up to brush gently along his left cheekbone, just skimming the eye patch.  
  
“Spike…William…I…You… You know I don’t blame you for that, if anything I’m grateful you managed to save me before I lost both. This… You look…” Looking into the deep blue eyes, a hint of fear shining through all too clearly in the normally fearless gaze, Xander took a deep breath and let it out slowly, making a decision. Reaching out, he let his fingers skim along the sharp cheekbone and down along the column of his neck, a smug grin tilting his lips as he watched a shiver go through the vamp. “A wonderful prize it is that I’ve found tonight. One such as yourself should know better than to be walking out at night alone. Anyone could come along and… take advantage of someone so lovely.”  
  
Spike allowed a cocky grin to surface, his old persona falling away as easily as it had come, “Kinda hard to take advantage of the willing, love, but I’m willing to let you try.”  
  
Xander laughed in surprise and reached up, tangling his fingers in the soft curls and tugged Spike’s head back, staring down at him for just a moment before seizing his mouth for a long overdue kiss.


End file.
